


I'm Still Here

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Out of Character, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-11
Updated: 2008-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-29 20:32:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10143404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Sequel to Iris... Draco's been missing for 2..maybe 3 months and Harry's falling apart. His facade falls to pieces and he lashes out. Will Draco ever return?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. 

A.N. Not my best work but I tried...if anything I'll edit and rewrite. Sorry for the late post, I know I was suppose to post this from last year but I had writers block then my life fell apart numerous times and I just got ideas couple hours ago so I'm back to writing!! And many many thanks to Obsidian Phoenix for their suggestion...it's the reason I wrote this...the reason my life is coming back together.

Currently un-edited

I'm Still Here

I am a question to the world,

Not an answer to be heard.  
All a moment that's held in your arms.

“Harry?” Hermione’s voice drifted under the closed door.

Harry forced his eyes open wondering when he’d ever closed them. Looking around, he realized he was still lying on the bathroom floor, now covered in his blood.

“Harry? Please let me in.”

Holding on to the sink, he pulled himself up ignoring the searing pain in his injured arm and the fresh blood trickling from the irritated wound. A wave of dizziness hit him and he lost his balance. There was the sound of breaking glass and a high pitched scream.

“HARRY!! HARRY!!” Hermione’s screams were now accompanied by the other boys in the dorm. There were the sounds of someone pounding against the door and someone shouting every unlocking spell known to the wizarding world and more along with the rattling of the doorknob all of which were giving Harry a migraine.

Harry lay unmoving on the bathroom floor, shards of the broken mirror surrounding him. Multiple images of his dead emerald eyes stared unblinkingly at him.

“HARRY!!”

Harry buried his head in his arms. “G’way!” His shout came out a broken whisper, muffled by his clothes. “Just leave me alone.” Tears leaked from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. One single image filled his mind and his heart began to ache. An image of blonde hair gently falling into alluring silver eyes. Of the most sensual and petal soft lips. Of rock hard abs and long lean legs. ‘Draco’

Draco who was possibly lying dead somewhere or facing a fate much, much worse than death. His Draco who because of him was currently facing Voldemort’s undying wrath. Draco who had been missing for 2 months...maybe even 3. Harry started sobbing; desperately wishing that Draco was with him, to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. But then he opened his eyes and there was nothing but his own reflection staring back at him through accusing green eyes.

And what do you think you'd ever say?  
I won't listen anyway…  
You don't know me,  
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

Two thirds of the Golden Trio sat by the fireplace keeping a close watch on their fallen leader who happened to be seated upon the window sill staring out at the forbidden forest for some unknown reason seemingly lost in thought. Sighing determinedly, Ron got up and walked over to Harry thinking that maybe if he tried hard enough he could get Harry back to the way he was suppose to be. Leaning against the brick wall he cleared his throat to get Harry’s attention surprised when he got no response.

“Hey mate. You wanna go down to the pitch and play quidditch? It's a perfect day with perfect weather and perfect girls outside to watch us play and...”

“No.” Harry’s flat monotone reply only proved to anger Ron.

“What’s with you nowadays?!”

Harry turned to face him with a cold, dead stare that chilled Ron to his very bones. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

Swallowing his fear when he noticed Hermione watching, he put on his brave Gryffindor face. “It means you've become a self-centered, pigheaded git. You’re so caught up in your bloody fame that you've forgotten who got you where you are today!!”

The common room went deathly silent as everyone held their breath as to not miss a moment of the two most hotheaded boys in school arguing. Harry stood up with his back to everyone and calmly walked to the portrait. “Stop trying to fool yourself Ronald. You and your little girlfriend there need to keep your noses out of my fucking business and stop assuming things about me.”

“Harry we just want you get better.” Hermione got up to stand beside Ron.

“Why Hermione? What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing! I…we just want you to be normal again.”

Harry looked at her in disgust. “ Normal is vastly over-rated. I was never who you thought I was and I never will be. This golden boy image you have of me is nothing but a mere illusion concocted to get you the fuck off my back...now just leave me the hell alone.”

Ignoring the humiliated, angry and shocked look on everyone's faces, Harry left the common room, never intending to return.

And what do you think you'd understand?  
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man...  
You can't take me and throw me away.

“Lemon Drops?” Dumbledore stared at Harry over his spectacles. When he got no reply he sighed. “Harry my boy. Whatever is the problem?”

‘Draco’... “Nothing sir. May I go now?”

Now Dumbledore was truly worried. What ever had happened to his perfect soldier? His pawn? This wasn't how it was suppose to be. Harry should be training now or making speeches to bring more people over to my side or dying...I mean...or defeating Voldemort. He shouldn't be moping around while there was a battle to be fought! He should be out there fighting!

"Well Harry my boy, whatever it is I'm sure Mr. Weasley and Ms Granger can help you to sort it out before you go to war and face Tom again."

Harry glared at him, a look of hate and distrust in his eyes. "I guess he was right after all. You are just using me."

Dumbledore frowned. "Now Harry where who would tell you such things?"

Harry stood up and placed his hands flat on the headmaster's desk and leaned in and with a deadly calm voice said, "It doesn't matter who told me, it just matters that it's true. I'm not a mindless child who needs you to think for me. I'm a grown man and you can't run my life. So what if I'm not perfect? Are you going to keep trying to run my life, shove me to death's door and take all the credit for my actions? Fuck you Albus Dumbledore! Don't you ever dare come near me again or I'll swear to Merlin I'll fuck you up and send you your balls as earrings in the fucking mail."

Harry then stepped back and walked out of the headmaster’s office, his magic swirling around him in a whirlwind, blowing things up. As the open slammed behind him, a shaken, ash faced, Albus Dumbledore could do nothing but stare in shock and disbelief.

And how can you learn what's never shown?  
Yeah, you stand here on your own.  
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.

"Harry?" A timid voice called out.

Harry paused in his footsteps just long enough to glance at Ginny before continuing his pointless walk.

"What is it now? What more can you people want from me?"

Somewhere from behind him he heard her gasp before a small hand wrapped around his and spun him around. And for the first time in months Harry felt something other than severe depression and overwhelming guilt, he felt fearful at the look in Ginny's eyes.

"What the fuck is your problem Harry?!...You've been walking around like you're dying while at the same time having your fricking period! I mean every since the day Malfoy disappeared it's like..."

Ginny's eyes widened in realization making Harry wish he was anywhere but here. Anywhere that he could be with Draco...anywhere at all.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ginny's voice was now soft and concerned and Harry decided that he liked it better when she shouted; at least he didn't feel bad then. "Oh Harry, why didn't you tell me you loved him?"

Harry just stared at Ginny, refusing to answer.

"You're worried that he's hurt aren't you?"

"No Ginny, I know he is...and I know it's my fault."

"How can you be sure that something's wrong?"

Harry stared at Ginny as if she were stupid. "Don't you think Voldemort would figure us out sooner or later? Don't you think he's bound to find out and punish Draco for it?...Gin stop being so goddamn stupid!"

"But how can you know Harry? What if he's just on another DE mission? What if he's perfectly healthy and missing you just as much?...You're wasting away Harry...you're destroying yourself over something you have no proof of!"

Harry felt tears come to his eyes. "Gin..."

"No Harry!...Draco's fine."

"How can you be so sure?"

Ginny smiled. "When was the last time you had a vision?"

Kissing him on the cheek, Ginny left a dumbstruck Harry Potter in the middle of the corridor.

And I want a moment to be real,  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
And how can the world want me to change,  
They’re the ones that stay the same.  
They don’t know me,  
'Cause I’m not here.

Harry sat in the Great Hall for the first time since Draco disappeared. Looking around he quietly observed the students who had chosen to stay, he watched them noting with morbid interest that as his world spun and crumbled, crushed to fine powder under Voldemort's dragon hide boots, they were still the same jerks and pricks they had always been. His observation was interrupted by the delivery of the Daily Prophet. Ginny took the horrid thing, her eyes betraying nothing of what it said before handing it to Harry.

THE BOY-WHO-LIVED-TO-JOIN-THE-DARK-SIDE?

The Daily Prophet has been receiving reports that Harry Potter has not only been bad mouthing his faithful and concerned best friends and AlbusDumbledore (Headmaster of Hogwarts) but he's also been dropping hints that he's tired of playing for the light! An anonymous source has also reported that he's been seen entering the Slytherin common room and...

There Harry stopped reading, ready to bolt out of the Great Hall and curl up in his bed in the abandoned room he and Ginny were currently living in.

"Don't mind them Harry. They just don't understand."

Harry shook his head. "They never do. They never see me for me...they never will."

Ginny responded by wrapping her arms around him.

WHAM!

Ginny and Harry jumped at the sudden noise staring at the figure in the doorway upon which everyone had their wands.

"Dr..D..Draco?"

Sure enough the blonde Adonis was there seemingly unscathed and perfectly fine albeit a tad bit worried. His eyes swept the hall looking for someone, a small smile playing on his lips when he caught sight of that someone seated at the Ravenclaw table. Ignoring all the wands pointed at him, ignoring the fact that the headmaster was motioning him to come, ignoring all but those emerald eyes he had missed so much he made his way over to the man who had stolen his heart.

Ginny poked Harry in the side. "Go to him!"

Harry didn't waste another moment, he jumped off the bench and practically ran across the hall into Draco's waiting arms. Trying to hold back the tears he buried his face in Draco's shoulder and inhaled the familiar scent. He felt Draco bury his face in his unruly hair and he felt rather than heard Draco whisper that he missed him. Looking up at Draco, he realized that he couldn't have cared less about the fact that they had an audience, he wouldn't even have cared if Voldemort had been standing behind them, as he pressed his lips to Draco's.

There was an uproar but among all the screaming Harry could make out Ginny cheering and he laughed. Draco stared into his eyes lovingly, his arms wrapped protectively around Harry's waist. "I love you."

Harry felt his muscles strain as he smiled. He tipped and kissed Draco passionately. "I love you too."

Harry saw Draco look towards the head table, anger obvious in his eyes. "Why don't we go somewhere more private?"

Harry barely had time to answer before they were running. Running from what? From the crowd that was desperate to save him from the Death Eater. From the crowd that didn't seem to realize that it wasn't Draco he needed saving from...it was himself and ironically only Draco could save him. They ran through countless corridors and up tons of stairs before Harry pulled him through a blank wall.

And you see the things they never see  
All you wanted, I could be  
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid  
And I wanna tell you who I am  
Can you help me be a man?  
They can't break me  
As long as I know who I am

Draco looked around at the room that they were in. They were standing in what seemed to be the kitchen and there were two beds on the other side and a door to what he guessed was the bathroom. Shaking his head he stared at Harry. "I'm not even going to ask."

"Good." Harry's voice came out in a whisper. “I’m sorry."

"Don't be." Draco pulled Harry to him and started placing kisses all over his face. "I'm the one who should be sorry."

Harry pulled back suddenly and looked at Draco in shock. "For what?"

Draco pulled him back and starting kissing his neck while his hands wandered up under Harry's shirt. "For not being here for you and not being here to remind you everyday of how gorgeous you are, of how much I love you, how much I want you, how much I need you.

Harry smiled and reached to brush away the tears on his cheeks but Draco beat him to it. "I don't want you to tell me right now...I want you to show me."

Never able to deny his love anything, Draco led Harry to one of the beds undressing him on the way.

And I want a moment to be real,  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
And how can the world want me to change,  
They’re the ones that stay the same.  
They can’t see me,  
But I’m still here.

They can’t tell me who to be,  
‘Cause I’m not what they see.  
And the world is still sleepin’,  
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.  
And their words are just whispers  
And lies that I’ll never believe.

Harry stared at the stars through the hole in the astronomy tower. "It all seems so far away...as if you're never going to achieve your goal. You reach out to grab it and end up falling never to try again."

Draco chuckled. "You only fall because you give up and because you take without giving. You, my little angel, have given far too much and received nothing at all. Your lucky break is coming and your goals are waiting to be recognized."

Harry turned around, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight. "My goals, Mr.Malfoy, are to leave this place...marry you...bear your children and just be me and no one else."

Draco grinned. "I think I can help you with that." He leaned forward and ran his tongue over Harry's lips begging for entrance and smiling when it was given.

Harry lost himself in the feelings he got from kissing Draco, the feeling that nothing could go wrong as long as they were together. He came back to earth at the sensation of something cold being pushed into his hand. Pulling away he stared into Draco's unusually excited eyes before looking down at the obviously expensive engagement ring .

Noticing the state of shock Harry was in, Draco took it and slid it onto his finger. "I love you more than the stars love the sky and more than the sea loves the shore. No matter what I'll always love you and be there for you. For without you, I seize to exist." Draco leaned his forehead against Harry's and took a deep breath. "Marry me?"

And I want a moment to be real,  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
And how can they say I never change  
They’re the ones that stay the same.  
I’m the one now,  
‘Cause I’m still here.

I’m the one,  
‘Cause I’m still here.  
I’m still here.  
I’m still here.  
I’m still here.

A.N. I know, I know...crappy ending but I didn't know where to end it. Who knows...maybe I'll write another one...maybe. Please review and bring some joy to my life.


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